Game of Bros: The Top 10 Most Eligible Bachelors from Game of Thrones
After what seems like several Long Nights, Game of Thrones is finally back. This show taught the world how dangerous it is to get too attached to anyone. How many ways are there to get brutally murdered? And, what the what? I can’t believe they just did that and wait… are there zombie dragons now?
Despite all the tears (and blood) that’ve been shed, we’re ready to open our hearts again and find ourselves a new bingeing buddy to help pass the long, lonely nights in Westeros. We’ve done what any sensible group of people would and compiled a list of the Top Ten Most Eligible Game of Thrones Bachelors. You know, the studs on this side of the Wall and the real heartthrobs we’d send one of our Game of Thrones greeting cards to. We’ve lost some prime contenders through the seasons, and even now, one of our bachelors could lose an argument with a dragon, ice zombie, or just a good old-fashioned sword. After all, these are just some of the things we do for love.
10. Gregor Clegane aka The Mountain
If you’re into the strong silent type and value men by the kilo, then Gregor’s the match for you. Now, he might not be the sharpest crayon in the box, but if you fancy a man who runs on pure animal instinct and can carry all the shopping in one go, then grab your climbing spikes and prepare for a rocky ascent to love.
Do Say: I bought your favourite protein shake
Don’t Say: Use your words
9. Sandor Clegane aka The Hound
Fancy a man with similar brawns but a bit more brain than The Mountain? Look no further than his baby brother Sandor, though maaaaybe don’t mention Gregor to him… There might not be any love lost between those two, but that doesn’t mean you won’t be able to fan the flames of romance with this brooding dreamboat.
Do Say: You dog!
Don’t Say: I’m burning up for you
8. Jorah Mormont
A truly hopeless romantic, Jorah’s the kind of guy you can take home to your parents (you know, as long as your parents are cool with swords, killing, and all that kind of stuff). He’ll always be there to offer you solid advice, and you know he’ll bend over backwards to treat you to the lavish lifestyle you deserve (though maybe don’t ask where he’s getting the money from).
Do Say: Don’t worry, I’ll pay
Don’t Say: If you had to pick between me and Daenerys…
You know your Nan would be delighted to hear you’d landed yourself a doctor! Maybe just leave out all the illegal experiments and dark magic stuff when you introduce him at the next family gathering. What they don’t know can’t hurt them, right?
Do Say: I know this great little graveyard we can go dig up...
Don’t Say: How do you feel about the NHS cuts?
6. Bran Stark
Sick of guys complaining that “I’m not a psychic!”? Then boy is Bran the guy for you. He’ll always know what you need before you do and you’ll never need to remind him for the 183rd time about your birthday. Though, one downside, he has an uncanny ability to disappear just before your parents turn up for another ‘surprise’ visit.
Do Say: I’m stark raven mad about you!
Don’t Say: What’s the weather like tomorrow?
5. Night King
Sure, he may be the master of the White Walkers and ultimate nightmare of the Seven Kingdoms, but those piercing baby blues just do something to us. Plus, you know he’d never complain about your feet being cold in bed. Plus, say “hello” to your walking and talking icebox when the next heatwave strikes – ice cold G&T’s all summer long baby.
Do Say: I bet the army of the dead isn’t all you can raise...
Don’t Say: Do you wanna build a snowman?
We’re not sure what’s more deadly, his skill with weapons or one-liners. Either way, Bronn’s got the swagger most guys can only dream of. Sure, he might kill a baby or two, but you know he’d at least make sure he was well paid for it.
Do Say: I’ll give you ten good men and some climbing spikes
Don’t Say: I’m looking for a guy with a strong moral compass
3. Jaime Lannister
A literal prince with a jawline that could cut glass and a sword that can cut everything else, Jaime is one of the dreamiest men to grace GoT. Plus, he’s a totally dedicated family man though we guess you’d probably argue he’s a little too dedicated…
Do Say: There’s no man like you...
Don’t Say: So are you and your sister having a joint birthday party or...?
2. Tyrion Lannister
The man for all you sapiosexuals out there, the only thing matching Tyrion’s intellect is his love of wine. He’ll always join you for that extra glass (or bottle) at dinner and he’ll know just what to do about Sharon at the office when she’s been driving you mad (no-one cares about your new oat milk Sharon...)
Do Say: Another glass?
Don’t Say: Fancy doing dry January?
1. Jon Snow
Do we really need to explain this one? He may know nothing but we know one thing for sure, we’d face Drogon for a chance with Westeros’ favourite bastard. Let’s be honest, that would probably happen if Daenerys ever found out.
Do Say: Is that Valyrian steel in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Don’t Say: How’s your mum?